Although someone can believe that they are bad, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. The trouble is that even if they are not aware of this, it is still likely to have a massive effect on their life.
This belief is going to be running at a deeper level and it won’t be possible for them to do anything about it. Once they become aware of what is going on, however, they will be able to do something about it.
A Miserable Existence
Until that time, their life is unlikely to be very fulfilling. But, as they are not aware of what is going on, they won’t be able to find out why their life is the way that it is.
For one thing, it is likely to be normal for them to feel down and even depressed, if not suicidal. It might not matter what the weather is like or what is going on in their life, as they could often feel very low.
Still, instead of stepping back from what is going on and reaching out for the support that they deserve, they could just tolerate how they feel. They might not say this to themselves, but they won’t believe that they deserve to feel better.
In fact, there is a strong chance that feeling this way is what feels comfortable. Therefore, if they were to feel better, they could end up feeling very uncomfortable and even experience guilt.
If ever something positive happens to them, then, this could be a time when they feel that something isn’t right. They could have a strong feeling of being unworthy of whatever it is that is taking place.
A big part of them will want their life to go back to how it was and they could unconsciously do something that will allow this to happen. When this happens, a part of them could feel frustrated and helpless but another, more powerful part of them, will feel comfortable again.
After working hard for many, many years and finally earning a promotion, one could feel like an imposter. The reality is that they will be worthy of what is taking place but they won’t be able to accept this.
They could end up experiencing obsessive thoughts, with these thoughts being largely focused on how unworthy and undeserving they are. Also, they could believe that, sooner or later, they will be found out.
One Big Challenge
Thus, if one has been able to experience success in at least one area of their life, they won’t be able to truly embrace what is going on. If they are doing well in their career, it will be as though they have been given something that doesn’t belong to them.
As a result of this, it will be as if they have stolen their success from someone else. Through being this way, it is not going to be much of a surprise if they often experience anxiety and fear.
There is going to be how they live their life and there is going to be how they feel, and these two things are not going to match. If one was to describe their life to someone else, this person could see them as a ‘model citizen’ and believe that they deserve to live a great life.
If one was able to take a step back and to reflect on how they feel, they may find that they generally don’t feel good about themselves. When it comes to why they feel this way, they might not be able to come up with an answer.
One way to look at this would be to say that it’s a bit like what would happen if someone was to do something very bad and had their memory wiped. Consequently, they wouldn’t remember what they did but the emotional pain that they experienced would have stayed with them.
The outcome of this is that one would feel very bad and have no idea why they felt this way. It’s a bit like having part of a picture; without the other half, it simply won’t make sense.
Now, the reason why one will feel bad but not know why can be due to their mind having blocked out what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
Ultimately, what took place had nothing to do with them; the trouble is that as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, what happened would have been personalised. It was then not that their caregivers were in a bad way; it was that they were inherently flawed, bad and defective, for instance.
To handle the pain that they were in, they would have had to disconnect from themselves. It wouldn’t have been safe for them to stay in their body, to be embodied; living on the surface of themselves would have been their only option.
The years would then have passed and, thanks to the defences that their mind put in place to protect them, they would have forgotten all about what happened. Their body wouldn’t have forgotten, though, which is why they would have continued to feel as they did all those years ago and had no idea why.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
Taking this into account, it is time for one to no longer take responsibility for a crime that they didn’t commit. A big part of letting go of what happened will be for them to forgive themselves.